We wish we knew these tips as earlier as possible. Now you have a chance to learn not from your mistakes but from this article.
Remember that opposites do not attract
Of course, you can have different hobbies and views as long as they do not invade the territory of the partner’s key worldview positions. The life together of a supporter of patriarchal views and a feminist or a monarchist and a liberal is unlikely to be flawless. You should go in one direction.
Be in good shape
Clinical psychologist Dean Delis, author of The Paradox of Passion, tells the story of a patient whose ex-husband persuaded her to augment her breasts. She wanted to please her beloved so much that she agreed. The operation briefly revived her husband’s interest, but then he abandoned her. That was a hard lesson to learn.
Grooming yourself is a sign of emotional health and good self-esteem. But doing it only for the sake of a partner’s appreciation is wrong, you become dependent on his/her opinion. New complexes and low self-esteem won’t help build healthy relationships.
Compromises and negotiations are not an attempt to restrict someone’s rights; it is an effort to generate a language that both of you speak. The partner’s views on the distribution of responsibilities, financial issues, joint and separate rest, and even who goes first in the bath in the morning can radically differ from yours. It is not necessary to wait for quarrels to find out what he/she thinks about it.
Learn to hear nos
There is no need to do “the best” if the partner clearly expressed his disagreement with something. “No” does not mean “maybe” or “yes, but I want to be persuaded.”
Do not put up with a partner who does unpleasant things to teach you a lesson
Taking the position of a teacher, a person ceases to be an equal partner and begins to act from the point of view of the highest level, the subject who is allowed more. What’s next? He/she will give you grades and expel from home for poor progress? One who intentionally makes you feel guilty is not good for a relationship.
Do not manipulate
Do not try to manipulate your partner. It harms your relationships. It’s always better to speak honestly. Show your babe what you like and dislike. And you should not blame a person for not knowing what you are offended by if you keep silence. Unfortunately, we’re not telepaths.
Solve problems without a third party
No need to run for the advice of parents, friends or anonymous on forums. You always know better what is happening in the relationship, since it is you who know all the circumstances of conflict.
Do not compare your relationships with stories from books and films
Stop trying to repeat the love story from your favorite movie, book, and fairy tales. You are not Cinderella and the Prince, not Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet (or Bridget Jones), not Tony Stark and Pepper Potts, your relationship is developing differently, and that’s OK.
And then, before plunging into the vanilla “happily ever after,” the characters go through a series of difficulties because the conflict is the plot engine. Create your “happily ever after” without serial wisdom and without regard to the fantasies of scriptwriters and writers.
Move at your own pace
Even if all your friends got married a year after they met, two – they had a baby, five – bought a house in the suburbs suitable for a large family, it’s not necessary to try to push your relationship into a similar scenario. Every couple moves at its own pace, just keep sticking to it.
Do not neglect wake-up calls
In most relationships, there is a period when both try to look better than they really are. And if at the courting period you see signals, especially bad ones, do not ignore them, trust your intuition.
Unreasonable outbursts of aggressiveness, disrespect towards servants, blunt comments about an ex, and other things that bother you are vital. Soberly think about whether you are prepared to deal with such symptoms regularly.
Check if relationship make life easier
If your love story consists entirely of challenges, overcoming, disagreements and rare but vivid outbreaks of happiness – this is a toxic relationship. People quickly get used to it and can feel quite happy with it.
Give each other personal space
Not everything with which people come into relationships becomes common. Reserve the right to conduct private chatting, have personal savings that you spend on the things you need, and engage in your favorite hobby. And most importantly, your partner can also do all this. Just accept it.
Do not consider jealousy an indicator of strong feelings
The demand to stop communicating with all people of the opposite sex, mixed reactions to every look towards an attractive person, attempts to control correspondence do not indicate great love and fear of losing a partner. This is a control method and this alarm signal should not be ignored.
Talk about love
You once admitted to a partner your feelings and think that is enough? Do not take a person nearby for granted, be grateful that he/she chose you. Remind that you love, say compliments. This is a simple and free but precious care token.
Tell the truth
Never lie. Otherwise, what kind of trust can we talk about? Recognize your weaknesses, do not hide your addictions, be yourself. You will not come down in his/her opinion, your bae will appreciate your sincerity.