by Barbara Anderson Being mad at a boyfriend? Sometimes it happens. However, nourishing anger and disappointment or incorrectly expressing it are both wrong decisions that can lead to a breakup.
It is normal to have healthy conflicts or small disagreements, but the key moment is how you solve problems. If you want to be a mature person, you should learn how to control your anger and what to say to solve the issue.
You should show your emotions and at the same time not create a distance between you and your partner. Your bottling up of emotions can be a reason for a big fight or nervous breakdown. We don’t want it, right? So, check out our helpful tips below.
#1 Be honest with yourself
Talk to your friends. Say, “I’m angry with my boyfriend!” Add some details: are you angry with him because he has his socks tossed around or because you want more attention, romantic moments, or even don’t feel loved.
Figure out your feelings and thoughts, and find the roots of your anger. You shouldn’t agree with unpleasant things. Calm down, and tell the truth. First of all, for yourself.
If we are honest with ourselves, we are in harmony, our self-esteem is high, and as a result, we are more attractive to others (including your man).
#2 Think about how much effort you put into this relationship
Why am I always mad at my boyfriend? That’s the question girls often ask their psychologists and friends.
When you are mad at your boyfriend, it can be a sign that you put too much effort and pay a lot of attention to your relationship. At the same time, your partner doesn’t do it for you. So, you are mad at yourself that your plan didn’t work. You are disappointed and maybe, ashamed because of it.
Psychologists call this problem over-functioning: you are losing all your energy, and the partner feels pressure in relationships; he feels that he “must” do something. All this increases the distance and misunderstanding. So, ask yourself, what do you want and what are you doing for it? Maybe, the problem is that there are too much of you in your relationship.
#3 Ask yourself if you are honest with your partner about your desires
Women often hide their real feelings. They don’t say what they like honestly and want, so their dissatisfaction can turn into a big fight.
If you don’t say what you want, you can find yourself dissatisfied. For example, you don’t like the sense of humor of your partner, but you don’t tell him about it, and he continues joking. One of these jokes can be a final.
Or you don’t like the place for your Saturday meetings, the way he calls you, etc.
Hiding your preferences and thoughts prevents him from knowing the real you. So, when you are searching for words for your boyfriend, ask yourself if it is a sign of bad treatment or he doesn’t even know what you like. Small hints or an “eloquent” look is not enough. Be honest – say directly.
#4 Stop managing your relationships
Another question that you should ask yourself is about control. If you are trying to control your relationships or your boyfriend, it can lead both of you to disappointment, depression, and conflicts.
You had planned the future for you two, pictured in your mind when you would live together, meet with parents, announce the engagement and wedding, but his actions are not part of your plan? So, it is the real reason for your anger.
Just stop trying to control the situation and find out more about your partner and his feelings for you. Give yourself the ability to wonder and enjoy your life with all its surprises.
#5 Start the serious conversation in the right way
So, what to say to your boyfriend when you’re mad at him?
Your conversation can develop in two ways: you blame your partner, “You are always late! You can’t be trusted with anything, even with such a little thing!” Your partner will start to excuse himself or also blame you for other things. Your mood will be ruined, and there is no guarantee that it will not happen again.
When you’re mad at your boyfriend, try a more resultful method, and start your discussion more confidently. For example, “I feel sad and unwanted every time you are late. It is embarrassing, and I can’t change this feeling”. Your partner will understand and will remember it.
Share your feelings if you want your partner to hear you. It works better than showing your anger.
#6 Say what you want to avoid
When you are angry and force the person to do something, your partner can feel some kind of protest inside – it looks like you are controlling them. So, give your partner an opportunity to find a suitable solution for you both. For example, say, “I don’t want to be the last one to come to the party”, or “I don’t want to miss the beginning of the movie.”
If you say so, your partner can offer you a solution, and it will be more effective than arguing.
#7 Ask his opinion
It is a sign of a wise and strong woman who knows how to motivate and encourage her man to listen to her words and do what she needs. When you describe your feelings and desires, ask him about a solution, “What do you think? What should we do?”, “How can we solve this problem, what is your opinion?” These words are an invitation to discussion and a chance for a man to prove himself, so it will be more effective than crying and shouts.
Control of anger is an important skill if you want to build a strong and healthy relationship with your partner. Don’t forget that love and relationships are the game for two, so share your feelings with him and search for solutions together.
