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The expression “to rebuild trust” seems so dubious. Trust is not something that can be destroyed and then rebuilt. Trust is a property of contact between two people; it is born in the process of communication and interaction.

If a person trusts a stranger from the very beginning, without going through the “examining” stage, something is wrong with his way of contacting the world. Agree?

The most common context for talking about “loss of trust” is the context of the relationship between friends and couples in love. In such relations, there are a number of implicit, not voiced, but implied agreements: to be faithful, to keep the word, not to do something that will harm a friend or beloved one.

But, in addition to universal principles, there may be unique but nonetheless unrequited demands to each other. It makes sense to clarify: does the partner know about other people’s expectations, the observance of which he is directly charged with?

But let’s take the most common variants of “broken trust” in relationships: betrayal, a lie, a failure to fulfill promises.

How can you regain the trust of a partner if it is your mistake, and you didn’t mean a breakup?

Photo by ACandice Picard on Unsplash

The wrong way is to try to get forgiveness

When trust is broken, your first intention may be to try to get forgiveness. But forgiveness does not cancel the sadness associated with the pain inflicted and does not rebuild trust. You can be forgiven but still not trusted.

Of course, if you did hurt somebody, it’s better to apologize. But do not expect much from your words.

There should be two involved in the process of rebuilding

The process of rebuilding trust in a relationship can be successful only if two people are involved. If your partner enjoys the role of the judge, things are bad. In this scenario, forgiveness or the newly rebuilt trust is often fiction. It becomes apparent when you (as a “perpetrator”) are reminded of your past sins, striking your pain points. The feeling of one’s own “innocence” and “sinfulness” of another is a thing that destroys any relationship, making any normal conversation impossible.

Gaining trust back is a mutual process, like everything related to the communication of two people. If both partners seek to rebuild it, it is possible. You should find out out how to rebuild trust in a relationship, but ask yourselves what you two should do with your relations, in which trust has been lost. And here, the quality is important, which arises only with the mutual movement towards each other: sincerity.

You should realize how to rebuild trust in a relationship, and your partner needs to understand how to trust again.

What you really need is sincere talk and time

Sincerely talking about your pain from the fact that you caused suffering to your beloved is possible only in a situation where you are not a judge but a person who suffers and does not hide suffering.

Openness to someone else’s experience allows you to feel their sincerity while avoiding talking about accusations or self-flagellation blocks sensitivity. Trust cannot be earned. It is born again through the contact of two open people, naked consciousnesses, when you feel there is no subtext, there is no second bottom for this experience.

And only then can you talk about your relationship, about explicit and implicit agreements in them, about what can be changed.

The contact of two people has healing power – a genuine contact, manifested in a dialogue, which is lying in a willingness to change one’s point of view, and not to convince your partner or to force them to do what you want.

That’s why, if it’s you who made a mistake, take responsibility, listen to your partner, express your love and give them time.


There are basically only 4 tips on how to regain trust in a relationship after lying/cheating from us – ask for forgiveness, show your sorrow, speak sincerely, and give your partner time. So, don’t be afraid to discuss with your partner why you did what you did and what they feel about it. Openness is the key.

And if it’s you who was hurt and want to learn how to trust someone again, there is only one piece of advice – give yourself time.

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