by Jessie Brewin You are single and want a relationship, but for some crazy reason, you are still alone. If it makes you feel any better, there are millions of people who have the same problem. But if it’s not enough, let’s figure out why it happens and what the possible solutions are. Who knows, maybe this very article will help you. We will try, at least.
Why does no one want to date me?
Before we go down to the matter, ask yourself, “Is it really true that nobody wants me, or it’s just me who doesn’t do anything to find a partner?” If you do put some effort but all in vain, proceed to the reasons and solutions below.
You are picky
Well, your ideal type is Robert Pattinson or Scarlett Johansson? Then you are in trouble.
It’s beneficial to be selective, but being really picky means you brush off every imperfect person. Meanwhile, there are no perfect people. You aren’t perfect either.
By setting too high standards, we consider most of the people as not good enough. Here you need to remember that 1) you need to comply with these standards yourself, 2) there are things like money, height, and appearance that are not so vital in a relationship and can be a bit neglected.
Easier said than done, however. It’s something absolutely unconscious. If a person doesn’t pass our whole checklist on the first date, you won’t probably agree to meet him again.
What to do
It doesn’t mean you have to settle for less. You need a sober assessment of who you are and what person makes a great match for you. Must it be a cover girl/boy? Think of it – a person with an average appearance can be a passionate lover who, despite their “averageness,” would turn you on in 2 seconds just with their eyes. And a person with a not-so-steady income today can become a respectful company president tomorrow.
You need a more flexible mindset when it comes to choosing a partner. So think about it, write down some qualities your potential partner must possess in one column and some traits that are not so necessary in the other. Then analyze what you see with fresh eyes.
The only point that is really worth adding to “Must Possess” is “treats me well.”
Remember Cinderella story is an exception, not the rule.
You believe you don’t deserve
When your self-esteem is low, you may feel like you don’t deserve to be loved without even knowing. So, you reject all the good mates if you think they are somehow better than you. Why? Cause “why would somebody like them date somebody like me? That’s ridiculous.”
So, when a cool guy or hot girl comes to you, you have already decided that it won’t work out. And then it appears there is no “the right person” next to you. How strange!
What to do
There is just one trick that will help you realize whether your self-esteem is the issue. Ask yourself, “If I was him/her, would I date me?” If your answer is, “Sure I would. Look at me, I am gorgeous!” then low self-esteem is not your problem, and you need to dig further.
If your answer was, “No, probably, I would not,” then you need to work on yourself.
Our advice: develop yourself. Think about why you don’t like yourself. Try new hobbies, find a psychologist, do sports, read books, play games – make yourself sassy (for yourself, first of all).
With time, you will notice how differently you feel. It may become your solution.
You are too needy
It’s another possible reason why no one is interested in you (in your opinion).
When you are desperate to find a partner because you can’t stand being alone, you show that even subconsciously. You need constant validation: ask for praise, declaration of love, etc. But the problem is that when you get it, you don’t feel satisfied, and you “ask for it” again and again. That’s what we call insecurities, and that leads to unhealthy relationships.
You become too pushy, too intrusive, too demanding. That can be a reason why you don’t date right now.
What to do
Insecurities usually have their roots in your childhood. You can’t cope with them by just recognizing them. The help of a specialist is needed. We are not psychologists to advise you on that.
Your past relationship is still there
If you’re still exhausted after your previous relationships, you probably aren’t ready for a new one, even though you might want it.
We don’t know your past, the experience you went through, but it might be something that hurt you deeply, and you still are under the influence of it.
What to do
Think about your ex, what kind of relationship you had. If you are still angry or scared, feel the need to defend yourself, or are suspicious, that’s the sign you are not ready to build new relationships yet.
Give yourself time, discover how cool it’s to be single, and realize that this pattern of a relationship isn’t supposed to repeat. Only then will you feel ready to plunge into something new. And people will notice that, believe us.
You show no interest
Oh, that’s a common mistake of many modern girls and boys. We try to be and look too independent and self-assured that end up looking like bi**hes, interested in ourselves only. It’s gross and off-putting. It’s too scary for people to even imagine the relationships with us. So, they prefer to keep a distance.
What to do
Be friendly. You can still be independent and cool and at the same time be open and easy-going. If you like somebody, don’t pretend that you aren’t interested, show that you don’t mind communicating.
You can even challenge yourself: for a week, promise yourself that you will initiate a conversation with each person you are interested in or find attractive. The results won’t be long in coming.
You look too good
If your constant thought is, “Hey, I’m so stunning, why nobody wants me?” think about how you look.
You are glamorous; each and every outing is a reason to dress up and look fancy? Maybe you look too good! If a person doesn’t feel that he is on the same level as you, they will never come up to you to say “Hi,” even if they are billionaires.
What to do
Don’t doll up. Leave brilliants for your marriage day. You can look elegant and stylish but not baroque and pretentious. It doesn’t mean you should change your style. Just try not to choose flashy outfits. Cardi B style? No, thanks. (No offense, We adore Cradi!)
Or vice versa, you don’t look good
Yes, sorry to say, but appearance still matters. However, we praise the inner world; appearance is important for all of us. Make sure you look tidy, not scruffy, that your hair and skin are in good condition, that your body is fit. Why? On a subconscious level, we perceive such people as healthy and consequently attractive.
What to do
You don’t have to be the Miss/Mister Universe; you just need to look HEALTHY. Work on it.
You don’t work on yourself
If you think “no one wants me in their life,” the reason can lie in the fact that you don’t develop as a person.
You can be a picky person. But if you don’t meet your own requirements, you fail at dating. It’s absolutely okay to have high expectations.
What to do
If you want your partner to be a well-rounded person interested in sports and dogs, make sure you do the same. Then you will meet the person you want to date. And he will want to date you. Everyone is happy.
Bottom Line
“Why doesn’t anyone want to date me?” is a pretty popular question. It’s ok to ask yourself that. The possible reasons are the following:
- You are picky
- You believe you don’t deserve love
- You are too needy (desperately needy)
- You aren’t over your past relationship
- You show no interest
- You look too good or otherwise
- You don’t work on yourself
We shared some tips on how to cope with this. But the responsibility is fully yours. If you feel that you can’t find the solution yourself and need help, feel free to call your psychiatrist and discuss it. If you haven’t got one, please do – it’s worth it.
If the reason is right on the surface, such as your appearance or your interests, it’s easy for you to review them and make some changes. Anyway, good luck!
Your Tune2Love
