Your relationship with a divorced man who has children can become the most difficult, the craziest, the most educational time for you. Most likely you will struggle to find your place in this relationship.
If you are going to date a separated man or are already doing it, ask these 7 questions. They will help you realize what to expect from this relationship.
7 questions to ask a divorced man
Feel free to ask him questions, find out more about his past relationships and marriage(s), listen to his opinion, and analyze his position. If nothing worries you, feel free to move on to a new stage of your relationship.
How many times has he been married?
If your bf has already got married, this is definitely a good sign – he is not afraid of commitment and easily takes responsibility.
However, if he has been married a couple of times, it’s a red flag. Something is wrong with him even if he blames his exes. Of course, we can not know for sure. Life is really unpredictable.
What stage of divorce he’s going through?
There is a difference between the divorced and separated. If your man is separated, it means he hasn’t been officially divorced yet. So, he’s married, period.
If he is in the process of divorce, ask about what stage it is. Divorce can be a very long process (several months up to a year), so you should know how much time it takes for him to become single. Then decide whether you are ready to wait for him to become yours.
Why are they getting divorced?
That’s a very important question to ask. First of all, you will be able to see the said red flags. Domestic violence, adultery, financial problems, etc. – there can be hundreds of reasons.
Second, by asking this, you will see how he handles this situation, whether he blames his spouse or admits that it’s always two involved. If he speaks ill about her, he either can’t let the situation go (therefore can not build a new healthy relationship) or he is not capable of recognizing his mistakes and taking the responsibility for a breakup.
Is he ready for a new serious relationship and what are his intentions in general?
You can’t find it out by yourself without asking him. If he’s recently divorced, there is a possibility that he needs a rebound girl and is not going to go further.
He may be not ready (though want it) for a serious relationship and offer you a no-strings-attached one. Or he may really like you but be afraid of introducing you to his children which is ok, but it will still affect your relationship.
Maybe he is not going to get married again. You’d better know it before you fall madly in love.
Are there any issues like dividing property?
Ex-spouses may have many issues which they can solve on their own or let a judge solve them. That means your man may become not so financially stable or homeless. For many girls and women, that’s a huge obstacle, so make sure you know under what conditions they are getting divorced.
Will he pay alimony and if yes, how will it affect his financial sustainability?
For example, after divorce, your man is supposed to pay alimony to his ex for ages cause she can’t become self-sufficient. Now her well-being depends on your man. That means she will still be present in your life. Not appealing, right? Plus, it may mean he will spend less on you (if it’s what you are accustomed to).
Have they decided on child custody and parenting time?
His desire to stay with his kids can speak volumes. A good father (=good person) will never give up on his children. If he doesn’t want his kids in his life, that’s a huge red flag.
If he is a good person and continues being a parent after a divorce, it means that some part of his free time will belong to his children, not you. Be ready to spend a couple of holidays without him as well.
Also, pay attention to how he communicates with his children. It will help you understand what kind of father and person he is: is he kind, is he caring?
Should I stop dating a separated man who won’t divorce?
Depends on the case, on how much in love you are. Dating someone who is separated but not divorced can become a real pain in the neck.
You should know why he won’t divorce. Is there any REAL and GOOD reason for it? It can be good health insurance plans of a spouse, the cost of divorce, their unwillingness to marry again (which makes divorce unnecessary), etc.
Then you should understand whether you are ready to accept his decision. That means you will not marry him – no proposal, you won’t bear his surname. And if you have kids? Well, who knows how your man will deal with that. You’d better be ready for any outcome.
So it’s always up to you to decide.
That’s all we wanted to discuss today. Feel free to leave your comments below!