Why did he choose her over me? What should I do? Is it my fault? If these are the questions you ask yourself repeatedly, this article is for you.
We will help you realize the possible reasons and ways to survive this.
Why is this situation worse than a standard breakup?
When the person you like or love chooses someone else over you, it hurts twice harder.
It is difficult to talk about why a person did not fall in love with you. Love is irrational, and there is no input that would guarantee it’s coming or going. It’s something that you can’t control in yourself, not to mention another person.
This is the situation when you are left alone with a bunch of questions in your head. “Why her? “Did I do something wrong? Do I look worse?” – you end up comparing yourself to other girls, which is so bad for your self-esteem. It’s traumatizing.
Eventually, you don’t even think about the guy who left you. You think about the other girl, the competition between you. And you are not the winner. You both lost your partner and lost to another girl – double defeat.
What you should realize is that it’s not your fault. Actually, it’s nobody’s fault.
Possible reasons why he chooses someone else over you
The reason lies in his idea of a girl he needs and the feelings he gets with her.
1. Sexual and sensual compatibility
Sexual compatibility is important for men, and they choose a girl that matches their expectations. If a man likes her style, the way she moves, and how she kisses him, he will choose her. She doesn’t need to be super sexy to be chosen.
But it still doesn’t mean you are not sexually attractive. It just means he seeks other things than you. After all, sexuality is a relative concept. Everybody has their own understanding of that.
Social compatibility is also very important. If a man has a b and close family, it is crucial for him that his woman can fit into it all. And vice versa, if he is more of a recluse, he would like to find somebody of the same type.
The man can search for a woman who looks like his mother or who has a similar social circle. Also, an image plays an essential role for a man. He needs to be proud of his partner when he introduces her to his friends or colleagues. And if she fits into, he is happy.
3. Сompatibility in life goals
When the life’s goals of you two are matching, it can be a b footing for relationships. So, when a man wants to start a happy family, he searches for a perfect future wife that will support him and care about their children.
If a man isn’t interested in becoming a family man, he chooses an appropriate girl who can rock the party and won’t expect serious steps from him.
4. Lifestyle compatibility
A socially active man won’t choose an introverted partner. If he is the life of the party, and his house is always open for his friends, he needs a woman who will share this way of life. For example, they can go together and have fun at social events, competitions, or parties.
If a man doesn’t like social activity, he searches for a similar woman who won’t force him to be a public person.
People need to communicate with somebody who understands them, shares their thoughts. Partners should support each other and see the world the same way.
5. Behavior compatibility
If freedom is very important for a man, he chooses a girl that will give him what he needs. For example, if he likes to travel with his friends, just boys club, he needs a woman who will give him this opportunity. It can be a trip to Vegas, hunting, fishing, or just some privacy.
If he needs a woman who is ready to spend all her time with him and prefers a romantic evening to the girls’ party, he will be looking for such a personality.
If a man is a romantic type and likes to care, it will be difficult for him to be with a b and independent woman – she just doesn’t need what he can offer to her.
What should you do when he chooses her over you?
1. Give yourself time to get over
Cry as much as you want, eat junk food, don’t go to a gym, rewatch all the tear-jerking melodramas – take time to be a little bit heartbroken. Don’t rush to get back in the game.
2. Find somebody to talk to
It can be your friends, mom or grandma – find a person who you trust and whose opinion you respect. And tell about what is going on in your life. Don’t keep your negative feelings inside. Let them out, and you will feel much better.
3. Do not look for imperfections in yourself
When somebody chooses not you, it can make you feel you are not worthy. It’s not so.
That’s life, people are different, and you will never know what happens inside their heads and hearts. Never. And don’t even try to guess. This man just felt that way and couldn’t control it.
4. Don’t think about this other girl
She is not better than you. You are not better than she is. You are just different. And it’s not her fault that your man chose her (if she isn’t a hypnotist or something). They just matched. And that’s completely okay.
5. Forgive the man
For you, it may seem betrayal, and it is if you’re a married couple with kids, but you can’t blame a person for acting as he feels. He is not your thing, he has the right to live his life as he wants it. You both are free people.
6. Fall in love with yourself once again and move on
Look at a mirror. Do you see this gorgeous, sexy girl? There are a lot of guys for whom you are just perfect. But before you make them fall for you, make sure you fell in love with yourself first. Embrace who you are, accept yourself with all your little imperfections. Once you do, you will understand that you are ready to build a new relationship with a new guy.
We hope that this article will help all the girls who found themselves in this situation to get over it. Be b and beautiful as you always were.
Your Tune2Love ❤️